I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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