oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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