If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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