we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
