Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
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