You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
