Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
