he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
