tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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