Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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