He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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