That's intense
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
