I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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