"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
