Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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