my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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