Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
