It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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