put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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