So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dear god my vagina.
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