i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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