Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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