just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
