I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
