Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
