Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
