I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
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I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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