Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
