Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
