I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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