I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
