My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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