It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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