I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
