I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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