he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
