he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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