This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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