Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Pooping to opera.
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