Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
