so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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