I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
