so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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