flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize