kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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