in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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