I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
