i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
