I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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