In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
