HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
