apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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