is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
