My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
