I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
