I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is Oprah even human
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
