Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
40s are totally the cure
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
