her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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