i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
