i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
