I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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