that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
