I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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