I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
FUCK WHALES
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
