he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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