I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
