oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
