I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
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How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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